


This house no longer feels like home.

by FxckitsNicola



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol, Child Abuse, Comfort, Hurt, Implied Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Prison, Supportive Chas, sad Robert, supportive Cain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10117430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FxckitsNicola/pseuds/FxckitsNicola
Summary: Robert is finally happy for once in his life and once it's taken away from him he finds it hard to cope,and finally breaks down when he does he turns to the last person he expected he would.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Robert cried in this fic and I cried writing it at 12am whilst listening to So Cold by Ben Cocks. I hope you guys enjoy it and I would definitely reccomend listening to the song whilst reading.
> 
> Was originally written for day one of Robron week which sparked me to write this. I didn't get a chance to post it earlier because I had to create an account but I hope you guys enjoy it anyways.

Robert was truly happy for once in his life and within less than 24 hours his whole world had came crumpling down on him and he didn't even know what to do, except keep strong for Liv and Aaron and that's what he did. He kept strong, he put on a brave face. Shrugged off everyone that was trying to help him and asking if he was okay, and threw himself into the deep end with HomeJames, Liv, The Mill, Holeyscrap and Aarons appeal. He wanted everything to be perfect for Aaron coming home. It had been a whole three weeks since he got to hold Aaron, to have some sense of normality with Aaron and when he was driving up to the prison, he felt a bit of the dreaded weight of the village lift off of his shoulders and it was automatically replaced with fear, dread and guilt as he pulled up to the prison. After he'd been searched by the guards and ok'd to go and see Aaron he finally had a normal, yet small smile on his face, one that wasn't faked. He sat down in front of Aaron and his smile dropped, he knew Aaron and even though he wasn't looking at Robert, Robert knew something was wrong, he could tell by the way Aaron was holding himself. The way that his sleeves of his jumper were balled in his hands, something that he did when he felt out of control. Robert called Aaron out of his daze,"Aaron, look at me." Robert seen the way that Aaron had tensed up at Roberts demand and Robert felt a piece of his heart break, fearing the worse. "Aaron,please.." Aaron finally snapped and stared at Robert, "Just go alright? I don't want you here. I don't even want to see you. It's because of you that I'm in here. Just go Robert and don't come back. I don't want you anymore,you're worthless to me." Robert instantly felt his whole world crash around him at the fierceness in Aarons eyes and the tone of his voice,a part of him knew that this was Aaron's way of pushing Robert to see if he'd stay; but after what they'd been through Robert felt numb,broken and he didn't know what to do except build up all of the walls that Aaron had spent two years breaking down. Robert stared at him emotionless and replied, "It's not my fault. You're the one that attacked Kasim because you couldn't control your emotions. But fine, if that's really how you feel I'll leave." And that's what he did, he got up and walked away even when he heard Aaron shouting his name, he was too hurt to care and just continued on autopilot and went straight to his car and just drove, without even thinking of where he was heading until he was driving up the familiar yet completely wrong drive. When he got to the top of the road he got out of his car and walked to the front of the house he'd found himself at, he banged on the door like there was no tomorrow until someone answered, he didn't care who answered but when they did Robert just pushed right past Cain and went straight for the fridge and grabbed the first alcoholic beverage he could find, which happened to be whiskey, he wasn't even a big whiskey drinker. Without grabbing a glass he started to drink out the bottle and muttered that he'd buy a new one to replace it. He sat himself down on one of the sofas and stared straight ahead waiting until Cain started up the conversation. Cain walked to the fridge and grabbed a couple of cans of beer knowing that it was going to be a long night. Robert stared at Cain and continued to drink the bottle of whiskey that he had stolen from the Dingles fridge, Cain turned to face Robert and sighed, instantly noticing that the tough man act that Cain was waiting to crack had eventually cracked. He opened a can of beer and grabbed his phone and headed outside, he opened his phone and dialled Chas' number and he was getting irritated by it going straight onto voicemail and gave one last attempt at phoning her and when she finally picked up she sounded annoyed," What are you wanting Cain? It's rush hour in the pub and I'm rushed off of my feet." He kept the conversation short and sweet," It's Robert, he's drinking himself silly. I'll keep him here until he's too drunk to protest going back to yours and then you can deal with him. I won't be surprised if it's to do with Aaron." He heard Chas sigh and knew that she'd started to blame herself, "I honestly thought he was fine Cain, he's tough." Cain rolled his eyes, "Well, sometimes it just breaks. Look, I've gotta go. I'll keep him safe alright? He's family now." He waited for a couple of minutes to give Robert the time to calm down before he forced him to talk. When he got back into the house he was surprised to see that Robert had put down the bottle of whiskey and stopped staring at the wall. Cain took a look at the bottle and noticed that within the ten minutes of him arriving he'd drank almost half a bottle. Cain pulled a chair from the table and sat it in front of Robert giving them enough distance but not enough for Robert to make a run for it. "Right, are you going to willingly talk to me about what's going on or am I going to have to force this out of you?" Robert finally looked up at Cain and Cain noticed that he'd already let the tears begin to fall. "It's gone, I've lost my family. All that I've worked for is gone. And it's all my fault. I pushed him and he snapped and because of one mistake, one stupid mistake he's in jail because of me! " Robert ran his fingers through his hair. " I've tried, I've done everything he's wanted. I've changed and I've been trying to change more to what he wants me to be and it's still not enough,I'm not enough for the one person I love and care about more than anything." Robert sniffed and held back a sob, "It hurts Cain. I can't do this. It hurts but I'm also numb because of the pain of him not being here. I'm exhausted, yet every time I sleep I keep having nightmares of Aaron inside. Him getting beaten. Him crying. Him hurting himself! And him try-trying to.. end it. " Robert sobbed at his last statement and Cain felt his pain. He knew how hard it was having Aaron in prison, he loved Aaron like he was his own son,but he'd seen enough of the people he loved being inside prison to not be as hurt by it,but this was completely new to Robert. He never had to deal with any one he loved being in jail. Robert had picked up the bottle of whiskey and started to down the burning liquid like it was water. Cain took the bottle off of him, knowing that Robert had already drank more than enough and Robert knew that there was no point in trying to fight to get it back. "I promised him that I'd be there for him. I promised him that I'd be a better person for him. But what's the point?! I've lost my family because he doesn't want me anymore! I'm better off dead. My dad hated me, Andy too! I'm worthless. I'm nothing without him. I can't do this without him. It hurts so much. I just want the pain to go away. Please just make it stop. Please. I need him, I need him to go on. I can't be alive without him in my life." Robert had begin to sob now and his body had began to shake. Cain was holding back the tears that had began to form in his eyes. He didn't realise how much Robert Sugden cared and loved his nephew and Cain had soften to the lad he used to once hate. Cain understood now why Chas welcomed Robert home with open arms every day since Aaron was sentenced. Cain got up and knelt beside Robert and pulled him into his arms. "It's okay Robert, it's going to be okay. You're family now, you drank out of that wellie. You make our Aaron happy. You're a Dingle for the rest of your life whether you like it or not. You're part of this massive messed up family. You have a whole clan of people behind you. You're one of us now and we're family. Family looks out for each other, we stick together you got that?" Robert was holding onto Cain and let the tears and pain that he'd been holding onto for the past three weeks go. The pain of not having Aaron there in their bed that was too big now without the other man beside him, the pain of not setting out an extra placemat and meal, the pain of not having someone there to hold and to care about him and for him to care for. The pain of losing someone you love so much and knowing that you can't be there for them when you need each other so much. Robert squeezed his eyes shut, "I need him back Cain, I need Aaron more than I need anything else. I need him. I need him to stop this pain. It hurts so much. I've lost him. He told me to go, that he doesn't want me anymore and that I should leave him alone and never come back. He doesn't want me anymore" Cain all of a sudden understood that this wasn't just because Aaron was locked up, he knew that had a great impact. But hearing someone you love tell you to go, Cain understood that. He'd heard Moira enough times telling him that and he knew how much it hurt. And he knew that it'd be killing Robert, he knew Robert was vulnerable when it came to loosing people that he cared about. Cain didn't know what to say anymore, because there was nothing he could say to stop the pain that Robert was feeling. He just let Robert cry, he held him and let him cry. And that's all he could do. After Robert had cried himself into exhaustion which was easy because of the whiskey, Cain pulled away and stood up. "Come on. Let's get you home." Robert got up and looked at Cain, "No where feels like home anymore Cain, my home is Aaron. He's my safe place and happiness" Cain kept quiet and grabbed his car keys and led Robert out of the Dingle home. Cain looked at the broken man beside him and made a promise to himself that no matter what happened in the near future, it was his responsibility now to keep Robert safe.


	2. You're not a disappointment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Robert breaks down in front of Cain, chas confronts him on what has happened. 
> 
> Basically, just Chas comforting a broken Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of part one. Thank you so much guys for reading my last chapter and enjoying it. There might be a part three of this, where Aaron comes home. But we will see how I feel. You can totally read Chapter one as a stand alone or enjoy what could be all three chapters together.

When Cain pulled up to the pub he looked over at Robert who was yet to say another word to him. Cain got out of his car and walked over to Roberts side opening the door and helping him out of the car, it was still early enough to go through the front of the pub but he didnt want to put Robert through the whole village seeing him broken so he went through the back door of the pub supporting Robert.

When they got in,Chas instantly got up from the sofa in the back room of the pub and pulled Robert into a hug. "I'm so sorry Robert, I should've been there for you." By this point Robert didn't care about nothing any more and just wrapped his arms drunkenly around Chas and placed his head on her shoulder. "Come on love, let's get you upstairs to your bed." Robert pulled away and stumbled. Chas looked at him worryingly, "What's wrong?" Robert looked at her like a scared child. "I can't, I can't go up there with out him." Cain walked over to him and supported him up, "You don't have to. Let's just get you into the back room,alright?" Robert nodded in agreement and leaned into Cain as they walked into the back room. Cain helped put Robert onto the sofa and Robert just laid down facing the inside of the sofa and shut his eyes. Hoping that Chas and Cain would get the hint to leave him alone because that's all he wanted in that moment of time, except to be with Aaron. Chas went to the cupboard and got out the comforter and placed it over Robert, she lent down and began to run her hand over his head. Robert let a few last tears fall at the caring gesture, Chas placed a kiss to the side of his head, "I'm here for you Robert,you know that. I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood,alright?" And with that she walked out of the back room to leave Robert alone. 

Chas turned to Cain, "What am I going to do Cain? I'm failing Aaron and Robert. I promised Aaron at court that I'd look out for him." Cain pulled her into a hug and they stood there for a while before Cain pulled back and looked Chas in the eyes, "We'll get through this me and you,alright? We've always managed to go through the hardest times together and nothing is going to change that,ever." 

When Robert woke up the next morning his head was throbing and he felt a wave nausea hit him, he stood up a little too quickly for his liking and ran over to the kitchen sink and began to throw up the contents of his stomach. He felt a comforting hand on his back rubbing soothing circles and once he'd finished emptying the contents of his stomach into the kitchen sink the person beside him began to speak, "Are you alright love?" Robert mentally kicked himself for letting his guard down last night. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just had too much to drink." He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath trying to steady himself and regain his posture. "What time is it anyways? I'm meant to be at the scrapyard with Adam today." Chas rolled her eyes but it didn't surprise her that Robert would try and go back to the act he had been putting on since Aaron was sentenced. "It's 2pm,I've already spoken to him. He said to take your time and not to rush back." Robert began walking over to the sofa and sat down,putting his head in his hands. "I'm meant to be keeping the scrapyard afloat for Aaron. I can't even do that right." 

Chas filled a glass of water and placed it down in front of Robert before sitting down, "Would you like to tell me what last night was all about? Cain won't tell me anything that happened. So take your time." Robert snapped, "I already told you I'm fine. Just drop it, as I said I just had too much to drink." He always hated people knowing he was down,feeling like they would just be judging him,like his father used to do. Chas wasn't budging though, she was used to people being stubborn and she had became immune to them snapping because of the countless times she'd talked Aaron about his emotions when he didn't want to speak to anyone. "If that's how you want to be do you want me just to phone Diane? Or Vic? See if they can get any sense out of you? Or maybe when I next see Aaron I'll tell him about this." Robert scoffed, "Like Aaron would even care." He instantly regretted his comment but he was still dealing with the pain of Aaron telling him to do one and that he was useless to Robert. "So Aaron is the problem? What happened at the prison?! You were so excited to see him yesterday. It's the only time I see you genuinely smile nowadays unless it's with Liv." Robert tried to put on the brave front again. "I told you to drop it Chas and that I'm fine." 

He stood up and grabbed his phone and shoved on his shoes. "I'll be at the scrapyard if Liv needs me. I'll be back for supper." But before he got to the doorway, Chas grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. "It's alright to be hurting Robert, but don't run yourself into the ground. Aaron needs you more than he needs things to be finished at the mill and Adam is fine at the scrapyard." She pulled away a little and looked Robert in the eyes, "But you're not fine, are you love?" Robert stood silent for a moment not knowing what to say or do, " It's okay to admit that you're not okay Robert." Robert's tears began to flow freely at this point, "I don't know what to do without him Chas." Robert wiped at his tears that were free flowing down his face. "At the prison, I was so happy to see him but he was so jumpy, out of it. Probably off his face and when I tried to speak to him, make sure he was okay. He all but dumped me there and then." Robert let out a sob and Chas pulled him into her arms. "Robert.. he wouldn't have meant it. None of it. I know our Aaron and he pushes people away to see if they'll stay. You make him the happiest I've ever seen him in his whole life. Even with what went on with Gordon, you, you were the one that stuck beside him. Kept him going. You did Robert, and I love you for loving my boy. You're family Robert." Robert shook his head, "He did it, he's the strongest person I know Chas, but look at me! He's no where near finished his sentence and I've already broken down. My dad was right, I am a disappointment. No wonder he loved Andy and Vic and couldn't stand me."

Robert was on a rampage at putting himself down, and the way that hurt him the most was by bringing up his father. "He hated me before, when he caught me with the farmhand and if he found out I was with a guy, he would beat me worse than the first time." Chas was shocked that Jack could do that to someone, especially his own child. No one needed to grow up fearing their father and feeling like a failure. "He's right, and Aaron. I am useless Chas." By that point Robert was full on sobbing and sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. Chas knelt down in front of Robert in the same spot she'd comforted her own son last year when she found out what Gordon did to him. Chas began stroking Roberts face and hair. "It's alright love, it's going to be okay. I'll make sure of it." She kissed the top of his head and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so proud of you Robert Jacob Sugden, you make my son happy and I'm so proud of you. You're doing so much more for him than any one else would. Aaron, he is proud of you. You've changed for him. I'm proud of you. YOU Robert, are not a disappointment in any way." Chas moved so she was sat beside Robert and held him as he cried. They stayed in that position with Chas holding Robert as he cried until he had no more tears left in him and he felt numb once again. Robert looked at Chas, "I don't know what to do without him, I just want him home. That's all I want." Chas stroked Roberts teared stained cheek, "You'll get him home Robert, and until then,and even after I'll be here for you, you're my responsibility now and I'm glad you are. You're not a disappointment to me Robert. You're family and I love you and I'll be here for you, always." Robert laid his head back on Chas' shoulder and they both sat there wishing for the same thing. Aaron to be home where he belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for getting this far, leave a comment down below if you want to!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, it took me so long to have the courage to post this. Constructive criticism,comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated. This might turn into a multi-chapter fic of how Robert copes without Aaron and with the support of the Dingles behind him. If you guys want more I already have an idea of how I want this fic to go. So please let me know if you want me to continue. And thank you for getting this far <3


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